The Online Dating Taboo

Many dating sites promise to help users find their perfect mate, and for every user with a profile on a dating site there seems to be two people looking down on them and laughing about the "absurd" idea of making a real connection with someone on a computer.

Online dating, though more common than it was maybe five or ten years ago, is still considered a taboo subject, and users often feel embarrassed to admit to even looking at an online dating site, let alone be a member of one. They often stammer, "Uh...well I-I was just browsing, ya' know, for laughs" or another unnecessary excuse. It is often considered a place where "losers" and shy introverts go as a last resort, after meeting people at school or in bars has failed. To say "I use an online dating site" is an opportunity to be teased and looked down upon by others because that must mean that you are less sociable and possibly less attractive than people who have no problem meeting potential significant others in person.

With that said, I'm going to make a confession: I am a user of an online dating site.

I first signed up to Plenty of Fish in 2011 after a difficult breakup with a college boyfriend (who I met in person in high school) and transferred to a new college. For the last three years I've used it on an off, sometimes hiding my profile for months at a time when I grew tired of conversations that went nowhere or men blatantly asking if I wanted a no-strings-attached hookup. Part of my decision to sign up stemmed from the fact that I am a shy introvert who has a hard time speaking up in class or engaging in small talk with strangers. Most crowded public places are exhausting to an introvert like me, which most extroverts just can't seem to understand. My loudest voice is my writing. I find it easier to express myself through writing, so making conversation on a dating site is easy (when the guy I'm talking to is also good at expressing himself through writing).

I've been on dates with three different guys who I met online. The decision to meet in person is not something I take lightly. Dozens, maybe hundreds of guys, have expressed interest in me over the years, but it takes a lot of emailing, texting, and, eventually, phone conversations to earn enough trust for me to meet them. In 2011, I got in a committed relationship with one of these men, and we were together for several months. Three years later we remain good friends and I have a good relationship with his family, even though they all live on the other side of the United States. I even flew out to stay with them last year, and it was one of the most exciting and fun experiences of my life.

So why does online dating have such a comical and negative reputation? Sure, there's no guarantee that the person on the other end of the keyboard is who they claim to be. It is very easy to lie in writing and to hide embarrassing aspects of your body in pictures. But really, there's no guarantee that the person you meet in the bar is who they claim to be either. The key words here are honesty and trust. As important as it is to protect yourself in the quest for love, it is just as important to be honest with each other and to give trust to the other person. Whether that is in person or online doesn't matter.

Society is becoming more and more technologically literate, and as we rely on the Internet for communication with friends, family, and our peers it isn't fair to say that you can't create a viable relationship with a person entirely online. I don't think virtual communication will completely replace face-to-face communication (at least, I certainly hope it won't), but I do hope that we can drop the taboo placed on online dating and replace it with more honesty and respect amongst members of the online dating community.